i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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