you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
