If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize