Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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