There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
