dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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