So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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