omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
handjob tips. give me some.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
