You're so nebulous sometimes
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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