I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
