My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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