D3 body, D1 cock
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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