Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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