i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
How's work?
Spinning.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
