Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Just cropdusted the office
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize