that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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