i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
