The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
