last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
