I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize