she looked like the before picture.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
