If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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