I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
