He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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