im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
