My friends, they love my intelligence
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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