All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
