No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
please come you make the beer taste better
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
