if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Are my feet made of real feet?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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