I bet he comes in French.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
