i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
