He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
