I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
