I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
