I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
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