he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
