Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
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