it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
