Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
