there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
