I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
