apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
