He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
