I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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