I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
