Actions speak louder than pants.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
