that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
