I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
