have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
