fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
