I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
