best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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