The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
