Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
