We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize