I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
