so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize