just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
