my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Randomize
