literally had 100 drinks last night.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
