the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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