new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
