Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
