one might say we're banned from that church
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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