dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
