my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
