there's paper in my vomit.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
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