im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
