I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
