my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
