i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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