gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
