so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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