i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
