You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
