Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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