He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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