If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
